Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

So, first, let's remove the concept of gender. We'll say diamonds and squares. Both shapes have 4 points. But the arrangement is different. However, given four points you can create either a diamond or a square. You can consider a fetus a generic polygon.

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

So with that, you go through life, everyone says you're a square. The doctor who...erm...drew(?) you said so on a piece of paper indicating your birth.

Squares and diamonds go through life with different expectations in society.

Everyone treats you like a square.

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

You look like a square, you're told. Even before your points are truly aligned perpendicular. So you do what everyone says is the right thing. You be the square that'd make your parents proudest. But you don't feel like a square. It feels off. You don't quite know why.

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

There are parts of those you're told are diamonds that seem neat, you wonder what it's like to be a diamond. But you know you're a square. You're told you're a square. Besides, squares are cool, right?

But diamonds.... Something about diamonds. Like not in that icky way...

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

...you see the adult diamonds and squares refer to each other. But... Something.

You start noticing the diamonds become more diamond like one year. You're told every diamond goes through this. Your told it's pretty tough and you should be glad you're a square.

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

And, like, you guess? But you also kinda wish you would change that way too. Meanwhile, you're becoming more square and you don't like it. It feels...wrong. in fact, it grosses you out. The other squares show off their metamorphosis proudly, gloat about it.

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

You figure you have to as well, you lie, but it's awkward. You're not proud of any of this. It feels wrong. It feels gross and you want it to stop.

But you're wondering if this envy for diamonds you're experiencing is the same as what you're told attraction is.

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

I mean, it doesn't sound the same? But you don't know what else to call this. Maybe you're broken? Like, every other square gets to look at diamonds and just think they're pretty but you look at them and wanna BE one. But you're not. You're a square. You firmly believe that.

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

But you wish you were a diamond. But why? Diamonds have it rougher, don't they? Who wants to be a diamond your fellow squares said. Good thing we're squares, right?

But one day you realize, no, "I've tried for years to be a square. It's never worked."

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

In fact, you can't imagine being a square your while life. The prospect of going your while life as a square, never living as a diamond, until the great eraser comes for you fills you with dread.

But if one shape gets it rougher than diamonds it's diamonds who grew up square.

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

You know this. You know that be telling people you're a diamond, and rearranging your four points as best you can into a diamond shape some people are gonna look at you like some kinda pseudo-diamond. They're gonna think you were foolish for messing with your points that way.

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

Who'd give up being a square? Such a weird shape you are, they'd say.

They won't understand or care about the effort or time or personal sacrifice it took to become a diamond. They'll look for flaws in your point configuration because they can't accept that squares can...

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

...become diamonds in shape. They never felt like a shape that wasn't their shape so they can't fathom how important this is. That to be forced back into a square would tear you to shreds.

Some shapes will attribute bad things to you. And every year you worry that...

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

... the wrong people will get into power and you might be erased. The other shapes, the ones that are just what the original certificate said, can't fathom that and assume it's as bad or valid as having their taxes go up. Because they never feared those politicians would...

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

...literally erase anyone.

Other shapes seem to be annoyed you complicate what they thought was a nice and simple square/diamond existence. Like, they already worry about so much and here you are confusing them and stuff. Because they can't grasp how confused your...

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

...whole LIFE has been until now. In fact, it's only now that it's LESS confusing for you. But they don't get that.

They also don't get that every time you're in a room full of diamonds, you're constantly worried that every diamond in there just sees you as a square.

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

Even when they're being nice. Are they being nice because they want to be friendly to the scared square with its points rotated?

Or do they see you as a diamond, even with the slightly misaligned points?

How obvious are those point alignements? When you look in the mirror...

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

...they seem dramatically off. And you don't like that. It reminds you of your square days where you were so lost and confused and frustrated and grossed out at yourself.

But do THEY see it as dramatically as you do?

And you wanna do a better job with those alignements.

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

But it's _hard_ and society makes it hard to get help. Much of it is prohibitively expensive, and some of it may be impossible with your points as they are.

You don't want them to be this way, but some shapes think you do. And treat you badly for it.

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

Others don't even care how well aligned they are.

That you grew up a square makes you irredeemable to them because it complicates their simple view of things.

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

And anytime you've had enough and try to make things better for yourself or others like you, you're branded an "activist" or "radical" with some kind of selfish agenda.

It takes so much out of your day to deal with all this and they get frustrated for the 5 seconds they hear...

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

...you say anything about it.

Meanwhile, you can't NOT talk about it. Because you're always either asked about it, or have to justify it, or have to explain to someone why you need something because of it.

Neovagina Evangelion 20.20 #BIPOCLivesMatter @RaeGun2k

Your weren't "born into" the wrong shape either. Your shape was mostly fine, but weren't allowed to align your points when started squaring off. That'll will haunt you. Yet yr in control now.

But it's still exhausting. Not cuz of ur configuration, but because of those around u.